Who I Am
by SweetBabyGurl
Summary: Authoress Kinomoto Sakura had been facing the dreaded writer's block. Thus, she decides to write her life story only to discover the CEO of her publishing company is the source of all her inner turmoil: Li Syaoran, who now also wants in on the new project
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters of, or anything to do with CCS. This goes for all chapters

**Full Summary:**

_Kinomoto Sakura is a successful writer who at the moment is having a bit of writer's block. After taking into consideration the words of advice her editor, Sasaki Rika, had for her, she decides to write the story of why she is so introverted. Although it's advised against, Sakura is steadfast and keeps with the idea. The agency approves and Sakura is happy._

_But things take a turn for the worse when Rika tells Sakura that the agency wants Lauren to have some inspiration in the form of the people who have affected her life so negatively._

_Coming face to face with her past demons in the flesh is something Sakura has avoided the past five years. Now that she is being forced into the situation it will either make or break her writing career._

_Which will it be?_

**Who I Am**

**Chapter 1**

_She was starting to get really annoyed with her editor. Three full manuscripts; eight starters: all of which had been rejected._

"_You need to get more in touch with yourself, Sakura. Your ideas are running dry; if anyone read anything you've given me so far, they'd be able to tell that. Your writing tells your readers who you are. Tell them who you are."_

_The auburn haired beauty recalled the words of her editor, Sasaki. The woman had a first name, but she couldn't recall it at the moment. She always called her Sasaki and nothing more. That was all her editor permitted. _

_Licking her full lips, she took a sip of the sweet tea that was set before her in a fine china cup, and pulled up a blank document on her word processor. Emerald coloured eyes gazed at the blank screen, thinking, thoughts coming and going, the first more fleeting than the next._

_Tell them who you are…_

_A rueful smile twisted her lips. _

_You want me to tell them who I am, do you?_

_Fine, then._

_Slender, tapered fingers flew across the keys, thoughts pouring on the once blank screen._

Several large, brown boxes littered the once vacant room. On each was marked the name 'Sakura' in bright red permanent marker, indicating that these belonged to her. Allowing herself to stretch, she took the bright pink hair tie on her wrist and tied up her mid-back length auburn hair, continuing with her task of moving into her dorm room.

At eighteen, she was in her first year of university. She decided to go to a different university than all of her close friends and, seeing how this school was in Tokyo and she lived in Tomodea, it was too far for her to commute back and forth. Luckily, she had the right average that gave her a spot in residence. As she opened the box containing her bedding material, there was a knock at the door. Startled, she looked up at a pale-faced girl at the door.

"Hi! My name's Tomoyo. What's yours?" she asked, still standing in the doorframe, the sunlight reflecting off her raven coloured locks, blue eyes shining with hesitance and curiosity.

"Hi. My name's Sakura," she told the girl with a bright smile. "Are you my roommate?"

"Unfortunately, no, I'm not. But mine isn't here as of yet, so I thought I'd go around and see who the other freshman were," she replied.

"Oh. Did you want to come in? I just got here so the place is still looking a little bland…" she trailed off, casting her gaze round about the room.

It was relatively small. Two twin sized beds were on the beige carpeted floor, maybe six feet away from each other. There were two closets a foot away from the end of the beds and past the second bed was a room where she presumed the bathroom was. The walls were painted white but there were several corkboards where students could pin up anything they liked. There was one desk, sitting against the wall beside the door.

"Sure. Maybe I could help you out a little bit with settling in. I've finished my room." She stepped into the room and went over to Sakura's box of bedding, unpacking it. In the meanwhile, Sakura opened another that was marked clothing and proceeded to hang up clothes or, place them neatly in the tall plastic storage container with several drawers that stood beside her night table to the right of the bed.

As they worked, they filled the room with light conversation and heavy laughter, getting to know each other, never knowing that they had just forged a friendship that would last the majority of their lives.

Three people stood at the front desk of the lobby. Several boxes rested beside a young girl who was with ruby red eyes and a mass of thick, straight, black hair. She looked about eighteen years old; the average age of a freshman. The young man with her had only a single box, a duffel bag and a backpack with him. He looked a year or so older than her.

"I'm sorry?" an annoyed, male voice asked. "What do you mean, young_ lady_?"

"Yeah!" another annoyed, but much more feminine voice commented.

"This is the co-ed building. And if I recall correctly, there was a really hot girl that will be your roommate," the receptionist told him in a sing song voice, grinning suggestively.

"God, must you continue to play these cruel jokes on me?" the owner of the masculine voice mumbled to himself beneath his breath, running a hand through his chocolate coloured hair. Grabbing his key from the receptionist, he strode angrily away from the receptionist and the girl.

"Syaoran!" the girl called, signalling to the butler who held her things to follow after her. But the man named Syaoran ignored her calls, and stepped into the first elevator available, closing it behind him before she could reach him in time.

_She gazed at each paragraph critically. Something wasn't right; something was missing. But judging by the time, she would have to take what she had so far with her in order to make her meeting with Sasaki. Doing just that and logging off of her computer, she grabbed her keys, locked the door to her two bedroom apartment, making her way to the underground parking lot. As she got into her sleek Saturn Sky sports car, she proceeded to drive to the café where she and Sasaki met everyday at 3:00 for the past month._

"_Sakura, on time as usual," a woman with shoulder cropped chestnut hair remarked with a pleasant look on her face. She sipped her iced tea slowly, nodding in Sakura's direction, indicating that she should have a seat. "So, what do you have for me?"_

_Sakura handed the two pages over to her editor, explaining the idea that she had._

"_You told me to tell them who I am, so I will. This is my story," Sakura leaned back on the chair, enjoying the cool breeze that played with her long hair._

"_You mean the story that tells everyone why many call you a cold hearted bitch?" Sasaki asked, amusement dancing her in russet eyes as she raised a thin, delicate eyebrow._

"_More or less," Sakura grinned, leaning in closer from across the table. "So what do you think?"_

"_I'm not sure this is a very good idea, Sakura. I mean, I know you obviously haven't changed any names, and this might get a bit too personal for you. You're introverted as it is. When people start reading your life story, imagine how it will feel," Sasaki advised._

"_I'm not weak. I can handle it," Sakura glared in the older woman's direction._

"_As your editor, I'd say go for it. It will be very emotionally driven and will sell like crazy. But as your friend, I'd advise against it," Sasaki told her with a soft look in her eyes that Sakura did not see often. Sakura brushed off the surprise and the tender emotions she wanted to reciprocate._

_She dropped a few bills on the table and stood up._

"_But don't you know Rika? I don't have any real friends anymore," she told the woman bitterly before walking away._

_Arriving back at her apartment after her meeting with Sasaki, Sakura changed into a pair of boxers and a tank top. She tied up her hair and opened a couple of windows to allow the breeze to enter the apartment. It was hot, much too hot for her taste. Despite that, she still poured herself another cup of sweet tea. Opening her lap top, she logged onto her computer and continued to write._

"I can't believe this. I told them if I got a roommate, I wanted it to be a guy. I'm so sick and tired of these damn girls," Syaoran murmured beneath his breath.

Walking down the hall, he heard feminine laughter coming from an open door; more precisely, _his_ open door. Groaning inwardly and muttering about girls and their friends, he knocked on the door.

"Hi?" a beautiful girl, he had to admit, greeted him. She appeared to be tall, although he couldn't quite tell since she was sitting. She had a pale complexion, long dark hair and light azure eyes.

"This is room 202-A, right?" he asked hesitantly, praying that it wasn't.

"Yup, come on in! You must be my roommate! My name's Tomoyo, what's yours?" she asked brightly.

Well, at least it was an apartment styled residence like he requested and not dormitory styled. He cherished his privacy.

"You can call me Li," he told her gruffly, readjusting the strap of his bag, and stepping into the room.

"Oh, um, all right. This is Sakura by the way, she lives right next to us," Tomoyo introduced the other girl cheerfully, as Sakura waved at him from the floor where she was drinking what appeared to be a slushy.

Now, this girl… something was different about her. She didn't have the fashionably long hair and wasn't dressed in the trendiest clothes. It looked like she opted for the comfy look; sweat pants and a t-shirt. She had a nice tan, probably from playing sports, and a really beautiful smile.

Just from looking at her he could tell she had a pleasant personality and was very warm hearted, very compassionate. She looked innocent and friendly. She appeared to be very easy going, down to earth and not caught up in materialistic things. She was an open book; he could tell all these things about her just from one look.

He could also tell she was so many things he wasn't.

But the thing that caught his attention wasn't her most feminine figure. Not her cute dimple that was only on her right cheek or her pearly white smile. She had the most stunning pair of emerald eyes. They seemed never ending and they pierced right through him.

He decided that he didn't like her. At all.

"Hi," he greeted before walking past them both and into the empty room. He gratefully saw that it overlooked the campus, since he enjoyed waking up with the sun, and slammed his door shut behind him.

"What a pleasant roommate you have, Tomoyo," he heard that girl, Sakura, comment to his roommate sarcastically. He furrowed his eyebrows in annoyance.

He hoped she wouldn't be here too often.

_Sakura leaned back on her chair, arching her back and rolling her shoulders to work out the kinks that had developed in her muscles. Lolling her head from side to side, she leaned forward and was just about to continue writing when the cell phone beside her lap top began to vibrate._

"_Kinomoto," she spoke into the phone, taking a sip of her tea again._

"_Hey Sakura, I've got some bad news," she heard Sasaki sigh from the other line._

"_What's the matter?" Sakura asked, worried. Sasaki rarely made phone calls that did not pertain to items that would affect business in a serious manner._

"_I was talking to the agency about your new plot line… and they love the idea…" Sasaki trailed off._

"_But?" Sakura urged her on._

"_They think you need some inspiration," Sasaki told her and she heard the girl swallow on the other line. _

"_What kind of inspiration?" Sakura asked, furrowing her eyebrows, not liking where the conversation was going._

"_Some inspiration as in the people who you're writing about," Sasaki answered after a moment's hesitance._

"_I beg your pardon!?" Sakura screeched, standing up and knocking the cup over in the process. "There's no way in hell I'll ever ask for anything from them, let alone their help, after everything they've done to me!"_

"_That's the thing Sakura; you don't have to ask," she was greeted with another sigh. "I never did tell you that Li Syaoran is a good friend and colleague of mine, did I?"_

**Notes: **Hey there everyone! I've had this written up for a while and was waiting for the right time to put it up. Originally that was supposed to be in August when I was finished with my last year of high school. But I thought why not? I have all of my exams next week and then two courses for summer school for the month of July. But I'll also be working in August and attending university in the fall. So please, don't badger me about frequent updates. I'll do what I can, but I guarantee nothing. I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, and I'll be doing my best to make the chapters longer. Please drop a review to let me know what you think, okay? Thanks a lot and take care everyone!


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: **Hey everyone. Thanks for all of the support so far, and I look forward to reading all of your reviews for this chapter :) Also, I thought that everyone would have figured it out, but it has confused quite a number of people. All the text that is in italics is the present and what is happening right now. All the text that is in standard font is what is happening as a part of the novel and takes place in the past. If you have any other questions, send me an e-mail and I'll get back you.

**© July 15, 2007**

* * *

**Who I Am  
****Chapter 2**

* * *

_He wanted to laugh aloud at his good fortune, but that would ruin the stoic, unfeeling image he had worked so hard to create. Malicious mirth was reflected in his eyes as he gazed at the profile he held in his hands._

_Running his rough fingertips gently over the picture attached to the folder, his lips turned up slightly in a remorseful smile. She had changed so much since he had last seen her years ago. It seemed like an eternity passed, but in reality it had only been five years._

_Throwing the light folder on his desk, he got up and turned around to look out the bay window of his office located on the ninety-first floor. He gazed down upon the people below, viewing them as they appeared to be; miniscule ants working away. Brushing a few tendrils of brown hair from his amber eyes, he let out a long deep, chesty sigh. _

_Syaoran, Syaoran, he thought to himself, what the hell have you gotten yourself into this time?_

* * *

"_How could you do this to me? You know what he did to me and there's no way I'll work with him. I'll throw away writing if I have to! But… I… ugh! No!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. _

_Sasaki sat before her, sipping her tea elegantly, waiting for Sakura to finish throwing her temper tantrum._

_After Sakura was stunned into the stupidity of being unable to form articulate sentences, Sasaki had decided it would be a good idea to see Sakura before the woman decided to something melodramatic, like jump off her balcony or something. No… that would be too cliché for her writer. Tilting her head to the side slightly, she began to imagine how the young, cynical woman might take her life._

"_Hello? Sasaki! Are you even listening to me?" Sakura cried indignantly._

"_Yes, yes. Syaoran is scum. You hate scum. You refuse to work with scum," Sasaki replied without batting an eyelash._

"_You know, you can at least _pretend_," Sakura told her editor while sending her a cutting gaze._

"_Pretend what?" Sasaki asked dubiously._

"_That you're listening to me and that you actually give a rat's ass that my whole novel is about to fall apart now that I'm going to have that womanizing moron looming over my shoulder," Sakura pouted before falling into the seat next to Sasaki on the couch._

"_I am listening to you; you just keep on spewing the same rubbish over and over again. Listen, just because he's going to 'looming over your shoulder' as you eloquently put it, that doesn't mean anything has changed. The facts cannot change; they'll forever remain the same. So you still have your story. This is professional Sakura, and you're doing exactly what he wants," Sasaki told her, finishing off her tea._

"_And what's that?" Sakura asked, quirking an eyebrow._

"_You're cracking under pressure which just proves that you're just not cut out for this business," Sasaki explained to her simply before standing up and walking to the door._

"_Hey! I've been doing this for three years! People told me the agencies and editors would eat me alive, but I'm still standing. So don't you dare tell me that I'm not cut out for this business when I've shown you book after book that I am," Sakura told Sasaki angrily while following her to the open door, watching as she put on her shoes and jacket._

"_Then prove it Sakura. Not just to me. Prove to him that he can't break you, no matter how hard he tries," Sasaki demanded, swinging to look her in the eye the moment she was outside the threshold._

"_Fine. Tell him to be here tomorrow morning and ready to work," Sakura responded, her mouth set into a grim line before she slammed the door in Sasaki's face. Running her hands over her facial features and letting out a deep sigh, she went back to her laptop and began to type._

* * *

"Tomoyo, he's such a grouch! I really don't know how you're going to manage living with him for the rest of the year," Sakura laughed at her newfound friend. They were in Sakura's dorm room now, waiting for her roommate to arrive.

"I know! We'll have to find a way to soften him up somehow. But he's kind of hot don't you think?" she remarked with a grin, causing the two girls to break out in a fit of giggles again.

"Hey ladies," a deep masculine voice called for their attention at the door. He was tall, probably about six feet. He had a dark look to him due to his noir hair and storm coloured eyes, but he had a smile that could light up any room.

"Hey, come on in, you must be my roommate. My name's Sakura and this is our neighbour, Tomoyo. What's yours?" Sakura asked him brightly.

"I'm Aaron. Nice to meet you two," Aaron told the two girls with an illuminating smile, walking over to the free bed and dropping his single duffel bag on top of it.

"What's this?" Sakura asked Tomoyo, confused at the flyer on the desk.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. While you were in the shower, some couple came by and told us that we should come to this party they're having tonight before classes start next week. I told them we might show up," Tomoyo told her, taking the neon piece of paper from Sakura.

"Oh, we should definitely go! Aaron, you should come with us," Sakura grinned.

"That sounds cool, but I still have to unpack," he told her sheepishly.

"That's what tomorrow's for. Grab some clothes and hit the showers," Sakura playfully commanded with a grin, pointing in the direction of the bathroom.

"Fine, fine. Just promise me that you won't peek!" Aaron commented, grabbing the essentials he would need for his shower and walked over to the bathroom. Laughing, the two girls agreed before turning to Sakura's closet to figure out what she would wear that night.

* * *

He was looking over one the text books he had purchased when a knock came to his bedroom door.

"Go away," he told whoever it was gruffly, not bothering to even open the door to check who it was.

"Are you naked?" a vaguely familiar feminine voice questioned from the other side of the door.

Pausing in writing his next sentence he gazed at the door sceptically from his peripheral vision. What kind of absurd question was that? Well not really, but it was still pretty random.

"No," he told whoever it was after a moment of silence and looked up in time to see the door fly open. He groaned in dismay. It was that annoying girl, Kinomoto, he believed her name was. Taking a second a look at her, he felt his eyes widen in surprise.

"Hey, I'm not sure if you remember me, but my name's Sakura. You're Li right?" she asked.

"You clean up nice," the words left his mouth before he had a chance to process them. You blubbering idiot, he thought to himself as he felt the heat crawl up his neck.

Sakura was dressed in black tights that ended at her mid-shins with lace decorating the bottoms. She wore an emerald green baby doll top that complimented her eyes with black pumps, and gold jewellery.

"Thanks, I bet you do too. So why don't you go get dressed and come to this party with my roommate, Tomoyo and me," Sakura told him sweetly.

"I don't think so," he scoffed, turning back to his work.

"What, do you have agoraphobia or something?" Sakura asked him, placing a hand on her left hip.

"I beg your pardon?" Syaoran questioned, bewildered.

"Agoraphobia, it's a fear of going out—"

"I know what agoraphobia is," Syaoran cut her off.

"Well I would hope so, since you have it," Sakura told him sincerely, cocking her head to the side. "It's too bad. Such a cowardly disease; I would have thought you would be better than that. Ah well, it looks like I'll have to tell that to everyone so they don't bother you," she told him. Then she placed her index finger on her chin, looking contemplative. "Or, they just might become more aggressive with trying to get you to face your fears of the public. We'll have to see, won't we?"

She shrugged her shoulders and turned to walk away before he reached out and grabbed her slender wrist. He realized she was right. If she was an idiot (and from what he knew about her so far, she was) and told people he had a fear of going out in public places, people would only become more adamant about getting him out, and he would never be left alone.

"Give me a couple minutes to change," he groaned.

"Okay!" she grinned before all but skipping out of his room and sitting on the couch in the living area, waiting for him to come out.

Yup; he _definitely_ didn't like her.

* * *

"So, didn't you say that our roommates were coming with us?" Syaoran asked hesitantly, now dressed in black kahis and a forst green button up shirt, wondering where they were going.

"Yeah, but Tomoyo didn't think I'd be able to get you to come out, so they went on without us," Sakura told him happily.

It was around eight in the evening and the two were walking to the party. It was at one of the houses someone owned just five minutes from they were. Considering the warm September weather and the cost of gas, they decided it would be a good idea to walk.

"So tell me all about you," Sakura surprised him with her question. He was content with walking in silence, but of course, she was a girl so she wanted to talk.

"There's not much to tell, I'm just your average guy," Syaoran told her, shrugging his shoulders.

"Your conversational skills suck, so I'll go first. My name's Kinomoto Sakura, but you know that already. I'm eighteen and I've lived in Tomodea for most of my life. I've always wanted to go here and my major is law. My birthday's April 1, so everyone always has a laugh with that. I've got one _way_ overprotective brother; he's seven years older than me so he always thinks of me as a kid. My mom died when I was three, so, I was practically raised by boys, but I've never really gotten along that well with girls, so it works out. My brother, Touya, he's in medical school and my dad's an archaeologist," Sakura told him, smiling all the way.

"You talk a lot, you know that?" Syaoran told her, a sardonic smile gracing his lips.

"Yup! It's one of my most endearing qualities," Sakura told him, an even brighter smile upon her lips.

"If that's an endearing quality, I don't even want to know what your repulsive qualities are," Syaoran told her with a smirk.

"Hey!" she cried, laughing while swatting him playfully on the arm. "It's your turn now."

"I still don't know what to say. I guess… my full name is Li Syaoran, I'm nineteen. I was born July 13, and my major is psychology. I know what it's like to be raised by the opposite sex since my dad died when I was eight and I have four older sisters," Syaoran began.

"Four sisters!" Sakura exclaimed. "Are you gay?"

"I'm perfectly straight thank you!" he exclaimed, indignant. "But anyway, I lived in Kyoto for most of my life, and I just came here to take care of my cousin. I haven't seen her since I left her in the lobby though, so if I don't run into her by tomorrow I'll have to give her a call. Remind me, okay?" he asked, glancing at her from his peripheral vision.

"You know what that means though, don't you?" Sakura asked him, walking a little bit ahead of him so she would beat him to the house that was a couple feet before them.

"What?" He asked, not sure if he wanted to know that answer.

"You just gave yourself an excuse to spend some more time with your newest favourite chatter-box," she told him, skipping up the stairs the house. Shaking his head in mock dismay, he allowed himself a small grin.

* * *

"_Hey, how are you doing?" Syaoran asked the woman who took the seat in front of him at a small café._

"_I'm okay, how are you?" The raven haired woman asked him, taking off sunglasses to reveal bright amethyst eyes._

"_I'm alright. So how's the fiancée, Tomoyo?" Syaoran asked, taking a roll and buttering it._

"_Eriol's alright. Any girls I need to interrogate for you?" Tomoyo asked playfully._

"_Actually there is one. But I'm pretty sure you'll approve," Syaoran told her._

"_Oh?" Tomoyo remarked, not believing a word he said. "Give me a name, age, description and occupation and I'll tell you whether or not I'll even agree to meet her."_

"_Well, she's twenty-three right now; she's a writer who's moving pretty fast in the industry. She's tall, tanned, and has the most beautiful green eyes. She's a blondish auburn by genetics, but you couldn't tell with her wit," Syaoran told her, noting Tomoyo's smile of approval._

"_Ooh! I like what I hear," Tomoyo grinned. "Now just give me a name."_

"_Kinomoto Sakura," was all he had to say to make her smile vanish._

* * *

"Wow! I had no idea you were so great at soccer!" Sakura exclaimed when he came inside from the backyard. She had encouraged him to play with some of the guys when they needed an extra player.

"Thanks, I played in high school," he told her, taking a bottle of water from her hands.

"And it looks like you've developed quite the little fan club," Sakura giggled, pointing out a group of seven to eight girls who were ogling him from the other side of the yard. Grabbing her hand, he led her inside while she merely giggled louder.

"I'm going to go wash my face; I'll be back in a second okay?" Syaoran told her, while pointing out his roommate for her so she wouldn't be standing alone. "What's her name is over there, so I'll look for you guys when I'm done."

Nodding in affirmation, she made her way to Tomoyo who still hadn't noticed her yet. There was no point in calling her name; the music would drown her out easily. Instead, she continued to push through the crowd finally catching Tomoyo's eye and was about to wave her over, when someone seized her waist and pulled her close to their _very_ drunken body.

"Hey sexy, how are you doing?" he slurred into her ear, the scent of alcohol coming off of him in fumes.

Sending a bewildered glance in the man who held her, she noted that he was actually quite cute and was probably a nice guy when sober, but pushed the thought aside. Shooting a glance to where Tomoyo last stood, she saw the girl was trying to make her way through the crowd, but due to the large amounts of people, she was making little to no progress.

"Uh… I'd be much better if you would let me go," she yelled into his ear over the music.

"No," he grinned, "I think you're good right where you are." With those last words, he buried his face into her neck and began kissing her. Frozen with shock Sakura has no idea what do.

"Hey buddy, would you mind laying off of my girlfriend?" a familiar and quite annoyed voice asked. Looking up, nothing but sheer relief filled her eyes and she was pulled of drunk-cute-boy's arms as she had dubbed them while her mind was racing with panic and figuring out what to do.

* * *

_Sakura nearly jumped out of her skin when the doorbell rang. Checking the time to the right hand corner of her laptop, she noted it was already 5:00. It was Monday, and she usually placed an order to get dropped off everyday during the week since she wouldn't have time to cook when working. Pulling some money from her wallet, she got up from where she sat and walked to the door._

"_Hey, Joey. Twenty-seven eighty, right?" Sakura asked, opening the door and sorting out her change to give him a good tip. Not hearing the young boy who always delivered her food reply, she looked up and dropped the money she previously held._

"_You," she whispered in a malicious tone, "what the hell are you doing here?"_

**TBC**


End file.
